another joke today for you lot with a sense of humour

another joke today for you lot with a sense of humour

An escaped convict, imprisoned for 1st degree murder, had spent 25
> > years of his life sentence in prison.
> >
> > While on the run, he broke into a house and tied up a young couple who
> > had been sleeping in the bedroom.
> >
> > He tied the man to a chair on one side of the room and his wife on he
> > bed.
> >
> > He got on the bed right over the woman, and it appeared he was kissing
>
> > her
> >
> > neck.
> >
> >
> > Suddenly he got up and left the room.
> > As soon as possible the husband made his way across the room to his
> > bride,
> >
> > his chair in tow,
> > and whispered,"Honey, this guy hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw him
>
> > kissing you on your neck and then he left in a hurry.
> >
> > Just cooperate and do anything he wants.If he wants to have sex with
> > you, just go along with it and pretend you like it. Whatever you do
> > don't fight
> >
> > him or make him mad. Our lives
> > depend on it! Be strong and I love you."
> >
> >
> > After spitting out the gag in her mouth, the half naked wife says:
> > "Dear,
> >
> > I'm so relieved you
> > feel that way. You're right, he hasn't seen a woman in years, but he
> > wasn't kissing my neck.... he was whispering in my ear.
> >
> >
> > He said he thinks you're really cute and asked if we kept the Vaseline
>
> > in the bathroom.
> >
> >
> > Be strong and I love you, too!

how rude!

Heard it b4, but it's quality

how about this one::::




Mama Mia!!

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat
themselves, and engage in animated conversation. The
lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears
one of the men say the following;

"Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, they come
together. I come again. Two asses, they come together
again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come
once-a-more."

"You foul-mouthed swine," retorted the lady
indignantly. In this country we don't talk about our
sex lives in public!"

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. Imma just tellun
my friend howa to spella Mississippi."

lmfao

Micki how cool is ur avatar

how do you teach a blonde bird maths

subtract her knickers-divide her legs and square root her!

fizz, where the hell d'u get ur jokes, some of them are just pure sick.....the best 1 so far has to be the scouse 1 tho.....that literaly had me on the floor in tears!!!!!!!!

if it's sick jokes ur after....

what goes stiff after three strokes????
princess margaret

what's blue and fuck's grannies??
hypothermia

what's got two legs and bleeds??
half a dog

and such and such

lmfao!!!!!!!

what's small cute and hard and comes ina box at easter??
the queen mutha.

what's ET short for??
he's only got little legs

snigger snigger etc..

what do u call an ethiopian(spelling) alien

Nee T

LMAO

Can we not have a forum dedicated to jokes ? or is this pointless

Two men are on opposite sides of the world- one's tightroping between two skyscrapers and the other is getting a blow job off an 84 year old granny.

What are they both thinking?

-"Don't look down."

One Eyed

hehe, quality!!